March 20, 2018
I just wanted to write you a letter to tell you how much I admire you. I’m not sure I’ve ever told you this in words, so I’m telling you now. I admire you!
I admire you for coming in to do this work. Maybe you’re working on your relationship with your partner, and the two of you come in to hash things out, to find new ways of looking at things, to unpack things that perhaps you’d rather not deal with. You sit over there on that couch, or in that chair, and sometimes your eyes fill with tears – because this work touches you at your core. You might be feeling vulnerable. You might be feeling sad. You might be feeling heard for the first time. Your eyes fill with tears, and I notice, and sometimes mine do too. Because this is hard work and it takes bravery. It takes courage and it takes a willingness to feel sometimes painful emotions. I admire you for that.
I admire you for doing this work, and I admire you for the bravery it sometimes takes to speak your voice, to speak what’s in your heart, to open up. In this moment, you’re showing a side of you which maybe you keep hidden for fear it will be hurt. Maybe in this moment, you’re showing a side of you which is scary to show. But you’re showing it, and I support you in being heard. You’re showing it, and your partner sees it, and I see it. And then we talk about it, and things might shift a little.
Maybe you’re coming in to get support as an individual. You’re hurting for some reason, which is what prompted you to find someone to support you. You’re hurting, and you want to figure stuff out and feel better. You’re hurting, and you come in willing to face that hurt. Maybe your mother recently passed away, or maybe a relationship ended. It’s painful, and I often also feel your pain. Sometimes, my heart clenches for you. I see you struggling with your pain and I am so impressed that you are doing this work, that you are working for your own health and wholeness. I am so impressed that you are sitting on that couch or in that chair, that you are asking for help, that you are working through your stuff. I admire your perseverance. I admire you. This is hard work. I see your courage. You show me time and time again the resiliency inherent in our humanness. Yes, it is painful. Yes, it is difficult. Yet you do it, because you are striving for your own health. You do it. I see you do it day after day, week after week. Sometimes it may seem to you like you’re not making much progress. Yet when you look back on our time together, you are often astounded at how far you’ve come. You sometimes look at me with tears in your eyes, tears of appreciation for my help. Yet I tell you, as I am telling you now, that you are the one doing the work. You are the one. You are the amazing one doing the work. I admire you so much.
Facing the stress in your life can be so difficult. I know. I know. I’ve been there myself and I know. I haven’t been through your exact situation, but I do know the absolute courage it can take to move forward, one small step at a time, to move through some of this heavy stuff. Sometimes it can be so hard. And yet here you are, doing the work, doing it. You are doing the work and you are moving through this heavy stuff. I admire you so much! You are awesome.