The power of the half smile

5-17-18 I’m reading The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master and spiritual guru for many. I’ve decided to incorporate mindfulness into my day-to-day life – not as a general resolution that I will someday get to eventually, but as a reality beginning now. Mindfulness has been shown to have research-based results: stress reduction, working…

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You hear this
Your partner means that

4-27-18 You’ve had a long day at work. You come home stressed, hungry, and irritable. Your partner meets you at the door, saying, “Did you pick up the food for dinner?” Picking up the take-out food, something you had promised to do earlier that day, has totally slipped your mind. In that split second, you…

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We’re not speaking – now what?

3-28-18 We’ve all been there, irritated at our partner, most likely after a fight when neither one of us has been at our best. We’ve been triggered and triggered again, over maybe little stuff that’s been blown out of proportion, or perhaps bigger stuff that never seems to get resolved. We’ve had a fight, maybe…

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Dear clients…

March 20, 2018 Dear clients, I just wanted to write you a letter to tell you how much I admire you. I’m not sure I’ve ever told you this in words, so I’m telling you now. I admire you! I admire you for coming in to do this work. Maybe you’re working on your relationship…

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Rocks in my backpack – a reflection

3-5-18 The night is dark, and it’s been dark all day. The low sun has been nowhere to be seen behind the thick clouds. And the rain is sleeting down. The rain is sleeting down, my windshield wipers going. I duck my head, even in the car, as a large truck passes by and flings…

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Is your heart unzipped to your partner?

2-22-18 Valentine’s day has come and gone… Has your heart been seen? Have you allowed yourself to unzip it to your partner in all its glory and pulsating life force, as well as its vulnerability, woundedness and need for healing? Sometimes this can be hard. Sometimes couples come in and their hearts have not been…

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Marriage or divorce?
The power of Discernment Counseling

1-31-18 Imagine this: You’ve been married almost twenty years and you have two teenagers. You and your spouse are disconnected emotionally, and have been for some time, yet it’s easier to continue the usual routine of focusing on work and launching your children than to make any motion towards change. One day your spouse tells…

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Do you expect your partner
to read your mind?

1-12-18 So many of us suppress our feelings when it comes to expressing ourselves to our partners. Maybe conflict was avoided in our families of origin, with a high penalty if we didn’t follow this unspoken rule. Or maybe gender expectations made us believe that our feelings did not count. But there is another reason,…

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Are you allergic to parts of your life?

12-29-17 Gently, I hold the box of tissues out to Sonya.* She is crying hard and doesn’t even see me. Finally she gives a long sigh and reaches for one. There is silence for a full minute as she wipes her nose and eyes. “What am I supposed to do?” she asks me. We’ve been…

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Wishing you peace

12-12-17 I wish you peace today, my friend. Things going on right now in the world are heavy and maybe even paralyzing, and you might find it hard to draw a deep breath. Your soul might feel jangled – not only from our country’s politics, but also from the chill, the darkness, the traffic, and…

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